I know many of you suffer in silence, bound by the secrets that you keep. The reality is we all have both a public and private life. We put on our best “face” to the outside and create our secret life to hide those aspects of ourselves that we are ashamed of. You may be feeling shame or think that you will no longer be accepted if you show this side of yourself. If you think about it we have been forced to hide certain parts of ourselves since childhood. It is either because of what was done to us, or we were told it was “bad” or we knew by how others responded to us that we had to disown this part of ourselves or face rejection.
Maybe you are struggling with an addiction or have fantasies that you fear sharing with your partner or others. Examine the mask you wear and see if your behavior is in line with that. If it isn’t you are going to have to work overtime in order to keep that hidden. Think about the Christian woman who has certain sexual fantasies she would like to explore with her husband but doesn’t discuss them for fear or being shamed and rejected for having these feelings. It could be that you are pretending to be committed to your spouse but are secretly having an affair. Maybe you are the consummate professional at work while at home you are out of control, binging on food and drinking yourself into a stupor.
That part of you where you feel tremendous shame will express itself in your behavior. Those areas that you work so hard to keep hidden will be exposed. Think of the scripture in Luke 8:17 “For nothing is secret that shall not be made manifest; neither anything hid, that shall not be known and come to light.” The areas of your life in which you act without integrity will eventually be brought out into the light. In order to be free from these compulsions you must be able to find healthy ways to express those parts of yourself that you have kept hidden for so long. If not you may continue to engage in self-defeating and self-sabotaging behaviors.
Most of us at some point realize that those things we engage in [overeating, casual sex, excessive drinking, gambling, etc.] are not what we really want. There is something much deeper that we crave, those needs we are trying to fill with all this external stuff will never satisfy. You are still left feeling unfulfilled and weighed down with guilt and shame. It isn’t until one day you look in the mirror and see that you have become someone that you never wanted to be.
We must be willing to look at those parts of ourselves that we have continued to deny [shadow] and deal with those feelings we have stuffed for far too long. I can tell you from experience that by bringing these repressed aspects of ourselves to light you will finally be able to slowly release a lot of guilt and shame that you have been carrying for far too long and begin to live a more authentic life.
I will continue this writing on another blog post. I welcome your feedback on this.
Brandon Jenkins
Born Again Fitness
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