October 27, 2013
I am going to elaborate on my background before I share my weight loss experience today. I grew up in a pretty chaotic environment. It wasn’t all bad but it helped to contribute to me being a very obese child and young adult. I was absolutely miserable although I would try to put on a smile and act like I was happy.
I ate everything under the sun, and would have probably eaten the sun if I could. I was an emotional eater and closet eater. With each bite I felt more and more shame. I felt absolutely worthless and hated myself.
You see, It is my opinion that no one who is obese is truly happy. Yes, I believe that we can have good moments, hours or even days, but I believe that the weight obscures who we truly are and helps to keep us hidden.
I struggled with my weight for almost 15 years. The only reason that I began to lose weight was because I slipped down a flight of stairs and grabbed the rail with my right arm to catch myself and strained some back muscles.
At the time I didn’t know that I had strained my back muscles, but the next morning when I woke up after my fall I was in pain. With every breath that I took I felt a sharp pain on my left side. I was convinced that I was having a heart attack
It was at that point I said “enough is enough” and put down the pizza and doughnuts. I began to watch what I put in my mouth, rode my bike and fell IN LOVE with bodybuilding.
I was able to go from right around 290 pounds to my lowest which was 180 pounds. I have since then put on quite a bit of muscle from bodybuilding and weigh in at 235.
So, back to my reason for this post. I look around at all the people in the world who are overweight or are struggling with some form of addiction. I always wonder if they can see their true beauty or is it buried under layers and layers of feeling worthless and shame.
When I look at someone who is heavy the first thing that comes into my mind is “wow, she is really pretty and would look phenomenal if she was at her ideal weight.” I am not saying that external beauty is all there is and that people who are obese/overweight are not beautiful, but I see past their weight and see the potential.
I see all of us who have struggled with food addiction or any type of addiction as butterflies. We have to go through stages before the true beauty of who we really are emerges.
I have been in the health and fitness industry now for nearly 15 years and the one thing that has never changed is people are in search of the perfect body. They think that if they can just get to a certain size that they will finally be happy and life will be good, but it doesn’t usually turn out that way.
What I have learned for myself was that I could be any weight but if I didn’t truly LOVE ME I was always going to be miserable. I would always be chasing a dream, this perfect life that waited for me once I was skinny. I wasted YEARS not living. I told myself that I was going to do all these things once I reached my perfect weight.
I have been on a spiritual journey for many years now and can honestly say that I love myself. I accept myself and all my flaws and can eat any type of food that I want and not go to excess! I do have my days where I catch myself wanting to eat my emotions but I don’t have to now. I can do some self-talk and identify what is going on internally and make healthier choices.
This is what I want and hope to give to my clients. A new lease on life and a new way to deal with the stresses of this world. You don’t have to hide behind layers of fat and baggy clothes anymore. I want you to know that inside and out you are a beautiful child of God and your worth is infinite.
My education is in Psychology and Addictions. I am a certified trainer with the IFPA and NASM. My passion is to help people reach their true potential as a weight loss coach and fitness trainer. You can live the life you dream of. All you need is the courage to get started and see it through.