News & Updates
July 1, 2016
Have you ever suspected yourself of being in an emotionally abusive relationship? Were you left feeling confused after the relationship ended? or maybe you suspect you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship now and aren’t quite sure if you can trust your gut.
Here are some easy ways to identify if you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. I urge you to not ignore these signs, or sweep them under the rug as the behavior will only get worse. I’ll also add that this can happen to both men and women. Often times, men are portrayed as the ones who are the abusers and this simply isn’t the case. Men and women can find themselves as victims of emotional abuse.
What is emotional abuse exactly?
Emotional abuse goes much further than many think. When one thinks of emotional abuse they envision two people yelling at each other, or putting the other down. We know that emotional abuse goes beyond just words spoken to another person. Emotional abuse is designed to control, demean, subjugate, punish, and isolate the other person from friends, and family. This is done by fear of abandonment, humiliation, and other means of control
This type of abuse can range from constant criticism, incessant put downs, manipulation, and intimidation.
Do any of these look familiar?
- Threatening to abandon you, and the relationship if you don’t do ______.
- Isolating you from friends and family. Won’t allow you to make phone calls, texts, etc.
- They project their behavior on to you. For example if they are cheating they will accuse you of the thing they are guilty of.
- They deny you affection or love.
- They give you contemptuous looks.
- They often speak to you in a condescending tone.
- Frequent accusations and constant blame; they never take responsibility for their behavior.
- They blame their ex for all the issues in the past relationship. This goes back to not taking responsibility for their own behavior.
- They often give you the ‘silent treatment’ for days or weeks if you upset them.
- You are often judged and criticized unnecessarily.
- They trivialize or dismiss your feelings.
- They want to move incredibly fast. They are talking about love and marriage within the first 30 days of being together.
- They monopolize all of your time, and are jealous if you want to hang out with family or friends.
- They don’t care how their behavior makes you feel.
- They act as if they are superior to you, and everyone around them.
How does this type of abuse affect a person?
- Decreased self-esteem.
- Loss of interest in those things that used to bring joy.
- Difficulty making decisions.
- You no longer trust yourself, what you think, or how you feel.
- You blame yourself for the situation.
- You feel ‘stuck’ and wonder if this is the best you can ever do.
Understand that emotional abuse is incredibly destructive. It slowly chips away at the person, and erodes their self-esteem. You are being brain washed by the abuser to believe all the things that they are saying about you. It isn’t until you look in the mirror one day, and don’t recognize the person looking back at you.
I will be writing part II of this blog post on what you can do if you find yourself in this situation. Be sure to subscribe to my blog to receive all the updates. If you need coaching in this area I can help.
June 17, 2016
I see this far too often from people with good intentions.
The crazy low calorie diets that people are going to go on in hopes of losing WEIGHT. You really should be after FAT LOSS, but I know what you’re saying.
EAT LESS AND MOVE MORE!
That is the mantra of most of you out there who really want to lose weight. But this approach simply doesn’t work for the long haul. Yes, you may drop some scale weight initially, but it won’t last, and you’ll start the yo-yo process all over again.
With my clients I have them approach weight loss from many angles. It isn’t enough to just say, “Go do this work out program and eat______.” We are very complex and I believe this approach is too simplistic. I feel you must take a holistic approach when working with someone. You must address all the parts of the person, and not just one area. Now, that isn’t to say that someone can’t benefit from a training program only, you just need to be honest with yourself and where you’re at on your journey.
- Address what is driving the urge to emotionally eat/numb/avoid or basically run from unpleasant feelings.
You are eating out of emotion for a reason. Understand that the weight you are carrying is just a SYMPTOM of what is going on inside of you. Address WHY and you’ll begin to see the weight taking care of itself.
- Develop new habits.
We cannot eliminate old habits so why bother. We focus on creating new habits that will help you to be successful in all areas of your life. You don’t have to be a slave to your old, ineffective habits any longer. You can choose to make different choices, and I’ll show you how.
- Eat foods to optimize hormones, reduce cravings, and feel satiated.
I really want you to think about how you eat, what you eat, and the response from your body. Does the food you fuel your body with make you feel alive or sluggish? do you feel like you could go climb a mountain or climb into bed? Also, when do you notice your cravings hit you the hardest? These are all things we would look at so that you can make better choices for yourself. I want to help set you up for success.
- Aerobic/Anaerobic activities.
I want to help you find those things that you truly enjoy doing, be it strength training, hiking, biking, swimming, running, walking, etc; It’s all good with me. We will create a strength training program that you will be able to do in under 40 minutes. It will be geared to the environment you train in; home or gym. Your current physical fitness level is taken into consideration, and it will be progressive in nature. Meaning, you will progress to more challenging movements, weights, etc; over time. This will all help you to be able to become stronger, decrease body-fat, move better, look better in your clothes, but most important; feel better about yourself.
If you have struggled with your weight, tried diet after diet, only to end up right back where you are now, seek help. It isn’t a bad thing to invest in yourself, and in fact, it’s a great form of self-care. Too many people, especially women, think of themselves last. That is tragic to me. You can’t pour from an empty vessel, and if you’re not taking care of yourself properly, then you’ll struggle to care for others. Stop putting yourself on the back burner, and take care of the magnificent body that God gave you.
Improving your health has so many wonderful benefits:
- Improved mental state; happiness
- Decreased anxiety and depression
- Fat loss
- Better sex life/more confidence in self
- More stamina to do those activities you enjoy
- Keep up with the kids or grandkids
- Wear clothes you actually like
- Improved self-esteem
- Get off certain medications
- Be stronger physically
- Improve bone density
The list really is endless for you. If you’re ready to start but just feel unsure of how or where to begin, I want to be your coach. I will walk along with you, and make sure that you have the tools you need to be successful.
I know that the thought of changing brings about a feeling of fear, and that is okay, it’s normal. When you step outside of your comfort zone you should feel some anxiety, that’s good, it means you’re changing.
Remember that courage isn’t acting in the absence of fear, it’s acting in spite of it.
June 3, 2016
In all honesty losing body-fat is easy but we tend to make it harder then it has to be. The #1 thing I see that trips people up is UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS.
You want it NOW and quit if you don’t lose 20 pounds in 4 weeks…4 weeks! you didn’t gain the weight in 4 weeks so ditch the expectation that you will lose it in 4 weeks.
Here are some very SIMPLE tips that will get you to where you want to be if you follow them.
1. Drink more water. Often times dehydration can mimic itself as hunger. Keep yourself adequately hydrated.
2. Ditch the black or white thinking. Those of you who struggle with ‘all or nothing’ thinking will find yourself starting only to quit, again and again. There is a middle here…find it! allow yourself to be human and make mistakes.
3. Eat more protein. Understand that protein is the building block of muscle and is necessary for repair and rebuilding. Protein also increases feelings of satiation, so you will feel fuller longer when you consume more protein. Some great sources are: chicken, lean beef, fish, turkey, ground meat, eggs, cottage cheese, Greek yogurt and protein powders.
4. Do NOT restrict/eliminate carbohydrates. Carbs are FUEL and are necessary in any healthy diet. The key is to eat according to your activity level that day. If you’re just lounging on the couch then you don’t need to be choking down tons of carbs, BUT if you’re active and training that day then you need to fuel your body. Some great sources are: brown rice, wild rice, sweet potatoes, whole wheat bread, wheat pasta, vegetables, fruit.
5. Fat is your friend. Yes, you heard that right. It is key in optimizing hormones for both men and women, improving metabolism and helping you feel satiated when paired with protein. Omega 3’s can also help to reduce inflammation in the body. Some great sources are: avocado, walnuts, almonds, olive oil, natural peanut butter, fish oil, krill oil.
6. Be more active. It’s pretty basic here folks. Get your butt up off the couch and go outside and frolic. We should get on average 10,000 steps per day but the average American gets only 2000-3000…no bueno.
7. Practice intuitive eating. I prefer to allow my body to tell me when to eat vs. just eating because it might be breakfast, lunch, or dinner time. We have been conditioned to eat at certain times even if we’re not hungry. Some people also believe that eating more meals per day boosts your metabolism. This simply isn’t true and the Thermic effect (TEF) is the same if you eat 3 meals at 1500 calories or 5 meals at 1500 calories. You must find what works for you.
8. R-E-L-A-X and allow the process to unfold. Stop weighing yourself every bloody day and just relax. Let the mirror and your clothes be your guide in determining body-fat reduction. Anything else and you’ll drive yourself mad, quit, and find yourself face first in a pint of Ben and Jerry’s.
9. Incorporate strength training into your exercise routine. The more muscle you have on your frame the more fat you will burn. It will also help you develop a killer physique, help negate osteoporosis and improve bone density. When you look good you feel good and this feeling of “wellness” will spill over to every area of your life.
10. Last, but most important, love yourself. Just know that you deserve to have a healthy, fully functioning body that will allow you to do those things you want to do. That may be traveling, getting pregnant, keeping up with your kids, no longer being embarrassed to wear a bathing suit, increasing intimacy with your spouse, etc.
May 21, 2016
The biggest thing that I see when working with clients that causes them to not be as successful as they would like is their beliefs. This change we want to see occur most always will mean a change in routine, behavior and in some cases can be a major change in lifestyle.
(Matthew 17:20 He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”)
It is not what type of diet they are adhering to or what type of workout program they are following. For most, but not all, it comes down to what they are ‘telling’ themselves.
Do you recognize any of these limiting beliefs?
-I’m too old to start.
-I have a family to look after and don’t have the time.
-I am older now and this is just what happens as we age.
-I’m never able to stick to anything…I’m a failure!
-What is the point in trying as I will only fail again.
-I’m not going to be able to do this, who am I kidding?
Look back and you will see that you have lost weight more times than you can count but did it stay off? Were you able to maintain that desired weight? Why or why not?
For the record I don’t personally think we should aim for a certain number on the scale but try to be the healthiest we can be at whatever weight that might be.
Go back to the last time you tried to drop the weight…were your thoughts powerful and full of optimism or were they of impending doom and gloom? Did you believe that you would get it right this time or in the back of your mind did you tell yourself that this time wouldn’t be any different than before?
(Matthew 8:26 And he said to them,” Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?” Then he rose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm.)
There are many reasons why we hold onto our weight. You may have come from an abusive background and the weight now serves as your ‘protection’ from further harm. The weight may have helped you to remain ‘hidden’ from the world and it probably did help you at one point in your life cope, but now this way of coping is causing you more harm than good.
The weight may be a way of punishing yourself or keeping you from having to try something new. It gives you an excuse to remain stuck where you are at. Think about it, how different would your life be if you were no longer defined by your weight? That can be pretty scary, I get it, but it’s time to let it go.
We must believe that we will be successful and then begin to cultivate healthy habits that will stick. Start small and build up your confidence and from there you can begin to tackle larger goals. Find what works for you and do more of that. Give yourself permission to fail as it is through our failures that we are able to learn what works and what doesn’t.
Understand that this is a process that takes time. That is why I don’t advocate any type of ‘quick-fix’ diet. It isn’t about the food! The beliefs that drive your thoughts, habits and behaviors took years to develop and won’t be undone overnight. Remind yourself of that when you end up binging or find yourself eating when you’re stressed, lonely or bored. It’s all a part of the process of change.
(Romans 12:12 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.)
May 6, 2016
Being overweight or clinically obese SUCKS.
I don’t care what anyone else says or tries to convince themselves of.
It is unhealthy, it is mentally and physically exhausting, it erodes your self-esteem, and can rob you of a decent life.
I know firsthand because for YEARS I was obese.
I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t “that bad.”
I get a message from a gentlemen the other day who told me, “Brandon, not everyone who is overweight has some sort of psychological issue. You know that right?”
To which I responded, “duh.”
I’m well aware that not everyone has some sort of underlying issue surrounding their weight issues.
But, everyone I’ve ever worked with has had some sort of underlying issue we’ve had to address before they could successfully lose the weight and keep it off.
Mind, Body, Spirit.
You can’t address only one aspect of yourself and expect any type of major, long lasting change.
Here are just some of the things that I personally deal with to this day. I have no problem being transparent and sharing my struggles in this area.
-I’ve got to exercise often and watch my diet or I will balloon back up to Nutty Professor status.
-Losing weight and keeping it off takes WORK.
-There are days I look in the mirror and feel like dog crap; I can see that fat guy staring back at me.
-Those old tapes can start playing and if I’m not careful I’ll believe the lies they try to tell me about myself….I’m no good, not worthy, etc.
Now, these things I mentioned above are not as bad as they once were but they still creep up from time to time. I’ve had to work my ass off to overcome a lot, as have the clients I work with.
The majority of people I work with are survivors of some sort of trauma. It could have been sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, parents were drug addicts, codependents, neglectful, etc.
Often times we used food as kids to numb ourselves and this carried over into adulthood.
Maybe you had no issues like this but you find yourself struggling today with food or some other ‘thing’ that you’re using to avoid your feelings.
No matter what it is there IS healing from it. I know because I did the work and my life is completely different because of it. That doesn’t mean I don’t struggle because there are days that life kicks my butt, but I am no longer a slave to those things.
If you are struggling with your weight or some other thing that is keeping you in bondage I want you to know that I GET IT.
I know the shame you feel.
The feeling of being invisible.
The feeling of hopelessness.
The feeling of being unworthy.
You name the emotion, I have felt it right along with you.
Your situation isn’t hopeless, you’re not a failure, and you are not unworthy.
God didn’t put you here to just survive.
If that was the case He would have made you a tree stump.
You have a purpose in this life.
I want to help you uncover that purpose.
If my words can help just one person then it is all worth it.
If you need help with this I am available to assist you.
Your life will change the day you begin to do the hard work.
Yes, it is scary.
Yes, it will require hard work on your part.
But it is worth it and so are YOU.
If you’re ready to change your life, and live in Idaho or beyond, I can help.
April 4, 2016
Mexican Chicken Wraps
Serving Size: 1 chicken wrap
2 tablespoons vegetable Oil
2 skinless chicken breasts
2 tablespoons taco seasoning
6 cups spinach, shredded, or 1 head green leaf lettuce, shredded or torn into bite-size pieces
3 medium tomatoes, diced
4 green onions, chopped
1/4 cup red onion, chopped
1 red bell pepper, thinly sliced
1/2 cup grated sharp cheddar cheese
flour tortilla wraps (or gluten-free tortillas or sandwich wraps)
Dressing (option 1): Ranch salad dressing
Healthier Dressing (option 2): Greek yogurt mixed with the taco seasoning and chopped cilantro
March 3, 2016
What is the difference between the difference protein powders out there? (e.g. whey, casein, vegetarian)
Answer: The key difference between whey and casein is that whey is absorbed in the digestive system quickly, whereas casein is absorbed slowly and steadily. Egg white protein was the most popular type of protein supplement for many years before milk proteins surpassed its popularity due to their better taste and lower cost. Soy and hemp are unique among vegetable protein sources in that they supply all 8 essential amino acids. Most vegetable proteins lack one or more. There also is pea protein and brown rice protein. These are for vegetarians and those who don’t do well with dairy products.
When should you use what kind?
Answer: I would use the whey upon waking and after training if you are unable to eat a solid meal. If you’re looking for a MRP [meal replacement powder] then I would use the casein as it digest slower than the whey and will stick with you longer, promoting satiety. The hemp protein would also be a consideration to be used as an MRP in a smoothie.
What kind of protein powders do you suggest and why?
Answer: I suggest whey, casein and hemp protein powders. Casein, is known for slow digestion, so it is very beneficial in shakes that are used as meal replacements or a bedtime shake. The whey is excellent before and after training as it is absorbed into the bloodstream, and utilized by the body the fastest. Hemp protein is not only is an excellent protein source but also supplies healthy fats and is high in fiber. Hemp protein also contains large amounts of zinc, iron, and magnesium and EFA (omega 3, 6, 9)
I prefer to use whey protein upon waking and after training because the body can digest and use it rapidly. I will at times you casein at night because it digests slower providing my muscles with a steady stream of amino acids.
What ingredients should people avoid?
Answer: The main thing to look for in a clean protein is lack of artificial sweeteners and information on the label stating that the protein is derived from cattle that has not been exposed to synthetic hormones, chemicals or medications. How much should a person take and how much is too much? (if exercise or meal replacement)
For people that are dairy sensitive or vegetarian what can they do?
Answer: You need at least 0.8 grams per pound and as much as 1.5 grams if you are engaging in intense exercise for more than 1 hour per day and 6-7 days per week. A 140lb woman could easily need 112 grams per day. For vegetarians Brown rice protein powder has many benefits for health and fitness. It provides a convenient source of protein for vegetarians and others who follow restricted diets. Pea protein is also something to consider if you’re a vegetarian or sensitive to dairy. Yellow peas supply an alternative but complete source of amino acids and high in iron.
The quality of proteins can be measured in two ways. The most common measure is the Biological Value (BV). The BV of certain proteins is calculated by measuring the percentage of protein consumed and absorbed versus how much of it is excreted as waste. This gives an indication of how much of the protein that is consumed actually remains within the body to promote protein synthesis Protein synthesis means how much protein the body will actually use.
I hope this clears up any misconceptions you might have had about using protein supplements, which ones, when, and how much!
July 27, 2015
“I can’t stand to look at you”
“You make me sick”
“You can’t do anything right!”
“You never see things through”
“This time won’t be any different. You will fail just like before”
“You’re so fat”
“What a loser”
How long would you allow someone to remain in your life if they spoke to you this way? You would remove them very quickly because most of us can recognize this as very abusive behavior.
It is emotionally damaging and over time causes great harm.
June 17, 2015
NO, you will not magically gain weight if you eat after 7pm. I don’t care if you’re eating fat, protein, carbohydrates,etc. This simply isn’t true.
Weight loss will always come down to being in an energy (calorie) deficit, period. Nothing crazy complicated about it folks.
Don’t be afraid to eat after 7pm. You won’t get fat provided you stay within your macros (carbs,protein,fat) but I can’t guarantee you won’t turn into a Gremlin.
June 7, 2015
I don’t care what your past looks like, where you came from, what you did, or what someone said about you. If you want to change your life for the better you CAN.
You don’t have to become what was spoken over you. You’re not a loser, no good, worthless, shameful, etc. You are a child of the Most High God! All that matters is what He says about you.
It’s not easy to release all of that baggage you’ve been carrying around. It’s a process that takes TIME but if you are willing to do the work you can find freedom.