News & Updates
February 21, 2017
There are a lot of fitness myths out there that really need to go away. There is no legitimate basis for these and they are continuing to be spread by folks who may have good intentions, but are misinformed.
- Eating eggs are bad for you: People believe that eating eggs, or the yolk for that matter, will drive up your cholesterol. This simply isn’t true as the body has its own natural “checks and balances.” The more cholesterol you eat, the less your body (liver) will produce. The vast majority vitamins and nutrients are in the yolk, so eat it!
- Eating smaller, frequent meals daily, stokes the metabolism: This is absolute rubbish and I wish it would go away. The amount of meals you eat per day is as unique as you are, but it will not have an impact on your metabolism or help you magically burn more body-fat. If you prefer to eat 4-5 meals per day as it helps you adhere to your diet, go for it, but it isn’t necessary. The thermic effect is the same if you were to eat 3 meals @500 calories for a total of 1500 calories or 5 meals @300 calories for again, a total of 1500 calories. Many studies have shown that there is little to no effect on metabolic rate or calories lost.
- High protein diets are bad for you: Most research shows that there is no real evidence to show that high protein diets are harmful. In fact, diets higher in protein help people to feel fuller longer. lose weight and give the muscles what they need to repair and rebuild.
- Eat less and move more to lose weight: While this sounds great, it isn’t very helpful for long term weight loss. There are many factors that will help one to lose weight and keep it off. The foods we eat will influence how and what we eat. If you’re eating a bunch of processed junk, don’t be shocked if that is what you are constantly reaching for. Drastically reducing your calories and exercising more can only be sustained for so long. Eventually, you will find yourself gorging on your favorite treat and giving up exercise altogether. Cutting calories can also have a negative impact on your metabolism (metabolic rate), making it very difficult to lose any weight. You need to eat for your specific fitness goals and this means fueling your body with the right amount of protein, fat, and carbohydrates.
July 6, 2016
This is the follow up to my last blog post on emotional abuse. In this post we will ask some questions so you can determine if you are in fact, being emotionally abused. Keep in mind, that men and women are just as likely to be abused, and be the abusers. This subject isn’t gender specific.
Let’s get started shall we:
- Do you feel like you have to walk on egg shells around your partner? Do you find yourself monitoring their mood, doing your best to avoid doing anything to make them angry?
- Does your partner insist on getting their own way? Do they want to make all the decisions when it comes to what movie to see, food to eat, finances, etc?
- Does your partner treat you as if you are inferior?
- Are you treated like a child in the relationship?
- Does your partner always blame you for everything?
- Are your accomplishments belittled, your hopes for your future?
- Does your partner often pout and punish you by withdrawing, withholding physical touch or even sex if you don’t do what they want?
- Does your partner threaten to leave you if you don’t do as they command?
- Does she blame you for her problems? you are at fault if she gets angry or yells, frequently has affairs, or can’t complete some long held goal?
- Are you told that you’re to blame for all the problems in the relationship?
- Is your partner unable to apologize or admit when they are wrong?
- Do you feel like you’re in a relationship with Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde? You don’t know who you’re going to get from one moment to the next?
If you are able to say “yes” to more than half of these I would say you are in an emotionally abusive relationship.
Here are some tips that may help you to address this in your own relationship
- You must step out of denial and admit that there is a problem. I know many of us find it incredibly hard to admit that this person we chose to love is hurting us in this manner. We also find ourselves in a place where we no longer trust our own judgement, and question our reality. It may benefit you to document every time your partner lashes out at you. By writing down that “Bill yelled at me today, and smashed the vase.” or “Katie threw a temper tantrum, and slept in the other room for 3 days because I wouldn’t cancel plans I’d already made.” This will help to keep you out of denial and show you just how bad it really is.
- We need to address why we chose this individual. Do they remind you of mom or dad when you really think about it? are you reenacting childhood trauma with this person? does the chaotic lifestyle seem eerily familiar? There is a reason we gravitate towards the partners we choose. You must look at the reasons why if you are to avoid making this mistake again in the future. If you were abused either sexually, physically, or emotionally growing up I would be surprised if you were not in an emotionally abusive relationship OR found yourself being the abuser. It is very common and there is no shame if you find yourself in either category. You just need to seek the appropriate help so you can stop the cycle.
- Look at why you choose to stay. Do you fear being alone? that this is as good as it gets? Again, if you found yourself as a childhood victim or any type of abuse you may find yourself in an emotionally abusive relationship. Your self-esteem, or lack thereof, will draw these abusive personality types to you, like a moth to a flame. I encourage you to look back over your past relationships, what commonalities are there? Did they basically have the same personality type, just a different body? This is a great place to begin to bring awareness to your own pattern, and how you choose partners.
- Address your concerns with your partner. You must speak from the heart and be honest about the way their behavior makes you feel. I would use ‘I statements’ so that the other person doesn’t feel attacked. For example, “I feel scared and hurt when you constantly threaten to leave.” This way the other person will be more receptive to what you have to say and will be aware of how you feel. This may be very uncomfortable for you to do but it must be done. If you feel you need more support then perhaps doing this in a counselors office, with a friend, or writing a letter might help.
- Be prepared for kickback. Your partner may or may not receive this information well. If they do, that is fantastic. If they don’t, be prepared. You must stand up for yourself and call out abuse when it occurs. Let your partner know that you will no longer accept the way you have been treated, and will gently remind them of when they are being abusive. If they are not willing to change their behavior then I encourage you to seek outside help for yourself.
- Stick to your guns. What I mean by this is don’t become a limp noodle, you need to set the boundaries, and enforce them. If you don’t the other person has little reason to change. God didn’t put you on this planet to be mistreated. If you have kids, then you definitely need to take this serious and do better for them.
Do what you need to do to take care of you. No matter how bad it gets, how hopeless you might feel, never forget that you have CHOICES. You are not stuck, you are not alone, and there are others out there just like you. Seek the help that you need.